Cheese Sandwich Friday

Lack of sleep, and the emotional release of finally scoring a permanent position, and I am one tired puppy dog. And the brain isn't working well, either.

Hence the 'cheese sandwich' post.
(fyi: refers to the type of blogging where posters, with nothing relevant, insightful or meaningful to say, blog about what they had for lunch. As in: "nothing new today. had a cheese sandwich and 6 valium for lunch, and now my hands have fallen sleep. Current Mood: purple.")

I will miss the Indian food so close at the U. And Taco Tuesdays (50 cent tacos OMG WTF).

The coffee meeting went well yesterday. On one hand, it's getting easier to deal with, talking about the past, dealing with my failures and shortcomings. On the other, it opens up a whole new world of self-reflection. Hearing about the struggles she went through, etc. - makes me wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been such an asshat to her back then.

Would we have married? If not - would/could our relationship have ended amicably, enough where she would have been able to assemble the life she deserved?

It's also hard *not* to feel partially responsible for the path her life has taken. In some - hell, in many ways, I feel that my actions - what I did, and how I treated her - put her on a path that led her through what she's gone through.

And then I wonder just what exactly drove me to do what I did? Why did I cheat on her? Even after all this time, the answers I have - immaturity, stupidity, etc. - still don't make sense. And especially in light of how much I loved her. Or remember that I do. Or still. Or...

There are too many 'if's in my life, now and in my past. And - the type of person I've become, I can't just let go of them. Or know if I want to.

It certainly doesn't help that, when I look into her eyes, I see flashes of....the past. Something. And - when she speaks, I....

(mutters something to self)

I had the chicken masala and alu mutter. With naan.

An office with a view...

So - I met with the small company yesterday. They made an offer. The money was right where I wanted it to be - 60k - but the benefits are.....well, they're small company benefits. Meaning they're a bit more spendy, and there's no dental. They said they were 'looking into it' - but I have a gut feeling that it's not going to be available.

On the plus side, the vacation time is very generous, there's 401(k), and they appear to be flexible, in terms of work arrangements.

And I would have an office. With a door. And a window. And be a permanent employee.

So - it was either take the job and deal with the benefits, or keep contracting and languish in the uncertainty and frustration.

(mentally flips coin)

Okay, so it wasn't a hard decision. Looks like I start next week! And I have a window!!!!!

Always have a 'fall-back' plan.

So....the interview yesterday didn't seem to go as well as expected. Sure, it was cordial, smiling, etc. - but something about it just struck me as....well......'routine'. As if the company people said "Okay, here's someone who applied, we've already picked our guy, but lets just interview Craig....'just in case'. "

I just walked out after the interview was done with no feelings at all. No "I would like working here", no "these people are enormous tools", no "Hmm...how about a ham sandwich?" Nothing.

And - the follow up with one of the recruiters that has been after me - regarding a position at an "Energy" company - told me that they want to make an offer - $35 an hour on contract, potential for perm. That was the job that was touted as a 'web writer/developer' - and during the interview, the company person focused more on business analyst questions than anything else.

"So - you've done Business Analysis?"
"Yes, and I'm not fond of it. I'd rather focus on my strengths - writing, developing, usability, etc."
"So....tell me about your business analyst experiences...."
(Craig's eyes glaze over)

The other interesting note is that the contracting company told me it was contract to hire - that there was a strong possibility for it to become a permanent position. So....when I asked the interviewer what the duration was, he responded "six months. And if there's additional work to be done at that time, we could renew for another six months. And then, if we continue to need it, we could possibly renew for another six months. And if we continue to need it, we'll renew...."

His choices of words - and the quickness of his response - leads me to believe that they'll work the contract, try to renew, and then post the position for open application - if at all.

The other position - a direct hire at a large medical devices company in the N 'burbs - has completely stalled. I should have known, though: any company that posts or recruits for opening in the midst of a corporate acquisition (they were bought out by a larger medical devices firm) should be avoided like the plague. Even direct hires - I've heard stories, and seen first-hand how new hires generally get the shaft in those situations. So - even though the interview was one of the best I've had, and the job description is an almost perfect fit, I think it's time to write that one off, as well.

Finally, there's a phone interview today with another medical company - a UI Developer. As much as that might also be an excellent job, I have a feeling that I'll be out of my league against the competition.

So - fall back plan? See what the small company offers, and roll with it. As long as the salary is close, and the benefits are good, I think the winnar is them.....

An Offer! w00ty!!!1 one

After months of rejections, being ignored, offers for short-term contracts or development opportunities in Rusted Hulk, NJ, etc. etc. - an offer for permanent employment is on the table.

And....there's another interview today. And a phone interview tomorrow.

When it rains, it pours. Or something.